BIG BAD BIKERS

Home from the London Bike Show. Fun to meet new people, good to meet old friends. Best is to be made welcome in a community and to discover that my travels encourage others.
However why must a section of the biker community revel in ugliness? Tattoos on shaven scalps and across rolls of fat that pass for a neck - and those massive wobbly beer bellies, especially amongst the Sunday crowd - gross. Where but at a bike show could an ancient overweight toad feel slim?

NO PURPOSE IN TRYING TO REMEMBER WHAT I HAVE FORGOTTEN

MCN London Motorcycle Exhibition - 3rd-6th February. I am on Stand N94. I have prepared: books,posters,pens, LARGE cash pouch, clean clothes, polished shoes, medication. What I have forgotten? Memory will kick in midway to London...

FLIGHT

The Indian journey is fact. I fly out from Heathrow to Delhi on December 7.
How do I feel?
Excited...
Yes, and a little scared.
Am I recovered from the accident in Tierra del Fuego - not the physical damage but the fear of getting run down.
Will Indian traffic be totally terrifying?

MCN

Weird...I sought commisions from various editors before traveling the Americas. None of them gave me the time of day, I presume, because the odds were against a septuagenarian surviving such a ride. I'm a couple of years older now. The odds are worse. Yet I turned down an offer from the Guardian and have been signed for both High Life and MCN. MCN want a fortnightly video plus a couple of articles...

HOTTING UP

Life is exciting. Firstly I am represented by a new literary agent, Piers Russell-Cobb and a new agent for Foreign Rights, Camilla Ferrier. I've had meetings with the Marketing Manager for the Taj Group and with the Royal Enfield representative for Europe.
Last week I was in London and down to Kent to meet with Toby Brocklehurst.
Tomorrow I drive north to talk with members of the Wakefield Branch of the Classic Bike Club.
Tuesday I'll be at MCN in Peterborough.
Friday to London again for a meeting with Dan Foley of DF Entertainment.
And I've had my hair cut...

DSA

I have never owned a bike in the UK. Bikes are for warm weather - preferably dry. England's summer makes a good winter. As a summer, it fails.
Not having a bike, I have never bothered with a UK bike license. Times have changed. Our youngest son, Jed, returns soon from his winter job in the French Alps. He will want to use my car. Time to buy a bike so I need to get legal. The Driving Standards Authority (DSA) is introducing a new, more difficult module to the test on April 27. Most training companies are against the module as too costly and dangerous. The biggest UK driver training company, BSM, is pulling out of the biker market. The DSA have arranged for me to ride the module today. If an old man of 76 can pass, where's the problem?
Steve from ACER Motorcycle Training brings a Honda 125 CG to the test area in Gloucester for me to ride. The Press Officer from the DSA is there. Motorcycle News (MCN) has sent a photographer. The tester is the DSA's instructor of testers.
I practice the module a few times. I'm ready. The tester is ready.
Steve asks if I'm confident of the two speed sections. Yes...
Steve's assistant, Paul, asks if I'm OK for the two speed sections. Yes...
I wish they would stop asking. Asking makes me nervous.
And I wish the track wasn't wet.
I ride the module twice for the tester: first a slalom, double figure of 8, 20 meters at walking speed and U turn. Last come the two speed sections, swerve and emergency stop. I hit the two speed gates at 54 kph for the emergency stop and 52 for the swerve. 50 is the pass speed.
The photographer asks me to ride the test a few more times.
I thank Steve and Paul from ACER and the tester from the DSA and the press officer from the DSA and the photographer from MCN - and I give cards to a few bikers watching the test. Then I drive home. Bernadette has taken Josh and Jen to the Malvern Spa. I make myself a mug of tea and collapse on the sofa. Reading demands too much energy and there is nothing of interest on TV. Hamish settles across my lap...